And the result...

The dreaded 2 week wait dragged on. We sat at home pretty much, ate good nutritious home cooked food, watched funny mallu movies and took it slow. I was super confident and beaming most of the time. Of course i googled every tiny symptom i had but did not obsess over it. I was quite happy with the way everything had panned out and of myself. The day came.. unfortunately on a Sunday so we knew we would get the results only on Monday. I was beaming from ear to ear when Sujatha took my blood. I was calm, reassured until monday came! I kept messaging Dr sheetal. * B kept messaging me until the news came in.. on my phone It was negative. I had 7 people around me talking to me and i had to continue mundane conversation so i could gather myself and get out of there. 
I was devastated... i got out work and went home.And thankfully *B came home in a  few minutes  I wept inconsolably in B's arms. We don't know what happened and things like this make you realize nothing is in your control.  You can't do anything about it .. just lean on each other for support,to cry, to crib, to question.  I am not sure what the future holds for us now . But one thing I'm sure of I won't let it bog me down. I will get past it, move ahead (preferably with a smile!) to face whatever the future  has in store for us.

ET Day

For the last few years of my life ET was always the adorable alien from Steven Spielberg's ET :) In the world of IVF its a little different. The embryo transfer is sorta like the Final Exam or the Board Exam! This is what it all has been leading too. I had to skip a month as my cycle got  a little messed up with the dates so May 7th it was. I thought that the hard part was over... but like everything in IVF .. nothing is what it seems!the injections and vaginal progesterone pills raised their ugly head again so the jabs are back!But during  a FET (Frozen embryo Transfer)  i think its a lot easier to deal than a full fledged one!The days leading up to ET i was strangely not nervous. I swayed from calm to excited and when the D Day had come i was determined to be the first one in the OR. I am competitive but i have never competed with 'how full is your bladder' sorta thing. We were 3 or 4 of us waiting and Sujatha said out loudly. whoever's bladder's full goes in!! I pride myself on my reasonably decent bowel movements so i shoved my hand up and called out to her! Mine's full... i think(i muttered the 'I think 'slowly to myself) but damn! mine wasn't and i started to get a little paranoid. It was only after Dr Sheetal and Dr Ritu came and reassured me not to worry did i feel myself calm down.. that and * B's constant pushing me to finish a whole  bottle of water!

so my turn came and Dr Sheetal and I were in the corridor. It almost felt like i was about to enter the CAT exam hall  and in a second i was let in. I knew the drill by now. Legs in the wide stirrups as i was strapped together for Dr G to do his magic and then the cinematic experience began. The lights were dimmed out and only the ultrasound was visible to me. Dr Sheetal was right next to me pointing at the monitor  showing me how the lil embryos were floating into my uterus. It was surreal seriously and then in a couple of minutes.. she was like.. Its done! I was almost in shock!.. What!!..  So fast! I heaved myself up and thanked everyone inside. I was beaming from ear to ear(not sure why) and as Dr sheetal walked me out and i began to thank her .. she put her arm on my shoulder and said ' All i want is for us to see a postive for you'!

I'm in the dreaded 2 week wait now and i dont know what the outcome will be but I am incredibly thankful to the stellar team at Rotunda- Dr Gautam, Dr sheetal and Dr ritu and of course Nurse brigade of Sujatha, Bismillah and Reshma and of course Ramona and Miuskaan

Ive begin to realize that nothing is in my hands now.. Its all up to the folks above!Till then i cross my fingers, enjoy  a mallu movie, and WAIT!!

Magical Udaipur

We decided to take a break from it all and even though like usual we thought Goa, it creeped up on us to consider going somewhere else. Bumming around on a beach would be awesome but magical palaces would be too! And we decided to splurge a but compared to our usual stuff and i did feel like a princess. Fateh Prakash is historic, its beautiful and gives you a  great feeling  of what it would be like in the days of the maharajas and queens! While we did visit the city palace,roamed around in the markets and streets, did the day trip to Kumbalgargh and Ranakpur (which was long and tiring) some of my highlights were
- Dinner at Ambrai. A fabulous restaurant with not just delectable food but views of the magnificent Fateh Prakash which at night was bathed in the deep amber regal glow. That we had a super waiter who was super nice and friendly and shared our opinions about the bunch of loud delhi girls with gold sequenced phones sitting near us also helped! Gobsmackingly great food & kebabs. Upre was good for the view (not so much for the food) but this was super
- Walk to the temple right after ambrai- The best views are free....! Close by was a temple with steps down to the ghat so you could see the whole stretch. Magical& enchanting
- the Bar and the Bartender at Shiv Nivas Palace. I wish i would write a picture book with stories about regular people who fascinate me for some reason. It would be degrading to call it a 'bar'. it was regal with huge mirrors and luxurious sofas with this delightful old man who showed us around(we were the only 2 ones there). He has been working since 82 and was talking to us  about how udaipur has changed and how he has seen it evolve. Of course the bar at Surya darshan (with 'tasteful' naked women pictures ) was fun too . felt like one of the boys in the 1920's who had come for a drink!
- The Sweet little Painter uncle who was so eager to show us pictures of his daughter and her ' big company' in pune. she does draw but only as a hobby. He spoke with such pride about how his daughter has moved away from the fanily trade and is working in a bug city!not that i would doubt his talent but i think *B and I decided to buy because we liked him soo much!!

Which brings me back to something ive been thinking.  Fancy palaces and forts can make a place look gorgeous but its the people in it that gives it soul.And udaipur has plenty of that :)

What have i been upto!

Well its been over  a month since i posted.And quite a bit  has happened. The previous cycle was quite successful and we have quite a set of sparkling embryos. While we were hoping to do the transfer this month its been postponed for a while and we are taking the opportunity to have fun!

For  the lay person it may seem rather stupid but after months of invasive treatment, you want to sit back, relax and do the things you have been wanting to.We saw the fun play 'The Siddhus of upper Juhu' at NCPA . It was our first visit to NCPA and i was quite amazed. Not sure why we hadnt come before. Our attempts to have more fun at least is pushing us to go to Colaba and explore. We were stupid to go all the way to NCPA for the play on the wrong date but ended up having a fabulous dinner at Indigo and walking through the streets of Colaba. We also went to watch' Walk in the wood's with Rajat Kapoor and Naseerudin Shah. Oh My!!.. What a treat! :)

Last week we went to Bombay Canteen. After hearing so much about it i was happy that we were finally going and nervous thinking about whether it would be a letdown. What a fun, unpretentious place it was that i would love to go again. they have this concept of Chottus which they serve small buckets of goodies like Lotus Stem chips(yum) till you decide on your food. Pork Theplas, Calamari were our appetizers which we gobbled up till the last morsel.

B ordered Bheja fry with maska pao and i got the Mutton which was outstanding. The highlight i thought was Gulab Nut. Gulab Jamun in the form of a doughnut laced with old monk. What a fun fun fun night! Cant wait to go back

The last few weeks which we have 'made sure ' we have fun! Why cant we live like this all the time i wonder! Im excited about going home and Udaipur now!!

A fun 2 weeks ahead...!!

Round2

My trigger is tonight and i will have my pick on the 4th March. This has been slightly better than before since i was not on too many injections like last time so much so that my stomach looked like someone had driven over it! I was on clomid for 10 days and had around 6-7 injections only compared to 25 maybe (i think) last time. I am feeling also a little less moody and errratic. I'm praying for the best to happen and after my u/s today (last for the cycle) everything is  looking ok. I keep wondering when will my time come. It does not help that Facebook has everyone glorifying their lives, announcing the little one arrivals. The other day a colleague who is getting married soon was casually remarking' Oh.. i may just do ivf and get twins' . I just nodded casually thinking to myself. God! Nobody has a clue of what this entails. Nobody talks about it and even I have told really really few people. I wonder why. No one likes to admit they need help.

I think its something that couples do find it hard to get through. B* has been super supportive and is with me all the time. But i can see how this can drive people apart. I may get  some time before the transfer and i was suggesting that we go somewhere on holiday so that i dont think about medicines,jabs,ultrasounds, blood tests etc. I am literally at the doctors everyday!! 

I am optimistic and positive and  know i have a great team of doctors and nurses around me and i am so thankful for them everyday.Fingers crossed.. everything will go off well :)

An update on the Future

Well.. its been a few days and i felt like i was waiting for the results of my board exam or CAT! I was cautiously optimistic. We retrieved 9 eggs and 3 of them made embryos which is good, since some of them made great quality embryos, not so good since we hoped for more...
So the long and short story is that i will do another egg retreival cycle...but on a slightly different protocol..something which is called Mini IVF or IVF lite. Its supposed to more tablets and  very few injections (this was the part that convinced me to do it). Its a protocol usually followed by people who have diminished ovarian reserve. I am now on a break from all the jabs,digging,scans etc.... And enjoying it

M, B & I had a lovely lunch at Yautcha!We were excited to spot celebrities (andheri east dwellers get excited at this sorta thing) but more than that it was nicve to see M talk about other things than her little one! It was nice to see her get excited about the food and for once it seemed like it was like the good old days of Singapore.I am slowly getting back to my excercise regime.. Though laziness gets the better of me and hopefully will lose the weight soon that i think ( injections and hormones) made me fatter (though in reality it may just be all the junk food!)

I intend to enjoy this weekend too and got reservations for B and I at 2 places Ive been wanting to try out. Sunday is India vs Pak and i want B to spend it with the boys. I think he's been taking it harder than me.And i see him worried and stressed out a lot (Elegantization effect). I shouldn't be presumptuous but i think Ive handled it decently so far. If course i have my down days but i think i just count my blessings that we've gotten this far. Like i tell B , we've got a fabulous team who i trust implicitly so i think its a matter of time.We need to stay positive and visualise and it WILL happen!!

'The 'pick up'

For most people, a pick up alludes to the end of a romantic evening of 2 people interested in each other maybe just for a night or who knows what could happen technically.It could move on to be something beautiful. In  the IVF world a pick up is more of a colloquial way of calling the egg retrieval. Somehow pick up makes it seems less technical. Sort of picking up someone and dropping them of at the airport. Here its the eggs being picked up and taken to the lab and  then mixing  them up sperm to form beautiful sperms. 
I was given strict instructions,nothing by mouth after 12 pm till after the procedure. At 8 30 i was at the clinic where Reshma and Sujatha whisked me away to change into my gown and finish all the paperwork. Sweetly Sujatha got me hooked up to IV and sweetly said.. don't worry this is all that's going to hurt. Next thing you know you will be back here and wondering what happened. She couldn't be more right. I headed to the freezing OR and as i was being strapped on by many things i fell asleep. Next thing i wake up in the resting room slightly dizzy excited to see* b there waiting for me.For the next 2 hours i just took it easy with *B giving me sips of water every now and then. I was good to go in a few hours after i visited the bathroom and the doc and nurses  had seen to it that i was good to go. there was slight cramping and uneasiness the whole of the day but nothing super painful. I am on leave today as well. Thought i would take it easy! I deserve it.. to relax and rejuvenate