I see the line!!

The 2 week wait was agonizing. Even so as i didn't have too many symptoms and towards the end i got a little scared and terrified and kept googling" bfp without any symptoms". The day came and we went to the clinic where I met Sujatha(thank god she was there!) and quietly reassured me when i told her about my lack of symptoms" If it has to happen,it will.. nothing can stop it" I was working from home so i kept checking my phone every hour to see if Dr sheetal had any update!My message at 10:30 was met with a ' Dont worry poorna, we dont get the results so faast.. maybe by evening..' I somehow got through the morning and afternoon and at 3 i was wondering .. doesn't this time qualify as early evening. let me message her. I got a call right about then and quickly recognized Dr sheetals voice! She said' Oh wow.. you recognized my voice.. good good.. you will need to see more often now!. We were ecstatic and i was giddy with excitement.She said i needed to come again for another beta HCG 48 hours later. I was thrilled.. I called * B.. He was on top of the world ! When he came home he said excitedly...lets do a HPT and see the line." I was like oh yeah.. you need to use the first pee in the morning and i get up at 3 these days.. You game. While he was excited and said yes.. i didn't expect him to follow through...Around 3 i got up and nudged him and said..im going.. now or never. Now its usually difficult to get him out of slumber so quickly particularly at 3 in the morning. he was up like a button and kept grinning at the stick! Meanwhile.. i went back to sleep or hoped to until he came back running" i see the line.. i see the line

The reception i got from both dr sheetal and dr ritu was amazing when i went in for my second test later. They were so amazing! So happy and thrilled for me. Im glad I have  had them with me... actually everyone at Rotunda.. Them, Sujatha, Ramona,Muskaan,Bismillah, Reshma!!

The next few weeks are critical and i hope all's going to go well! Tommo is my 6 weeks scan.  Fingers crossed everything is going to be fantastic!

The 2 week wait!

In any sort of fertility treatment the 2 week wait is the most dreaded. Not that physically it is super challenging. You get so used to the jabs, pokes that you are almost used to it dare i say!The first time around  I was googling every tiny bit of symtom i had. Even though at the back of my mind i knew progesterone was behind most of it, you go into overdrive and stalk all the forums building hope.. building your future and its even more awaful when it comes all crashing down when you geta  negative result

This time around i decided to take a few days off to detach myself and take a break from work. It was surprisingly a great week. I got back to reading... a chick flick called The Pricey Thakur Girls.. chick lit, read andre Agassi's pretty intriguing biography' Open' and Sadhguru(all about Jaggi Vasudev).
I also saw one of the most insightful movies Ive seen in a really long time.- Inside Out.a brilliant movie with a fabulous premise. I want to meet the creator Pete Doctor so badly now!Also had a fabulously fun evening with a person i met for the first time who is a fertility specialist so we could joke about our jabs and pokes over dinner loudly!

But i do admit I've been googling ..'no symtoms after ET'... So am a  little nervous this time around.
I dont know what the future is in front of me.. I am still cautiously optimistic 

Forging Ahead....

We were devastated when the first FET didn't work. We were unhappy for quite a few days and tried to cheer each other up. It took a while but we had to decide how/ when to move forward. I was certain i didn't wait to wait too long so we visited Dr Sheetal and decided to do the FET in June end .. (a week from now!)We also decided to look at options that we had not explored earlier to help in implantation like the Endometrium Scratching. I'm not going to write the technicalities but its essentially what it  sounds like.. 'scratching the endometrium'. I was  a little scared as i had read reports of all sorts of things  on the internet. The actual process was actually really short. While the 'scratches happened' there was quite a bit of cramping but for anyone who's doing IVF i think its not too big a deal... Uncomfortable none the less. But of course i had  Sujatha (my guardian angel ) who held my hand and prepped me for it!
The  Mumbai monsoons have come full throttle and it is a little difficult to go for my appointments and I'm so glad i did my pick ups earlier. I don't know what is ahead and the less I think of it the better. Its B's bday just the day before and mine a month later so i hope we get a fabulous birthday gift :)
Pray for us...

And the result...

The dreaded 2 week wait dragged on. We sat at home pretty much, ate good nutritious home cooked food, watched funny mallu movies and took it slow. I was super confident and beaming most of the time. Of course i googled every tiny symptom i had but did not obsess over it. I was quite happy with the way everything had panned out and of myself. The day came.. unfortunately on a Sunday so we knew we would get the results only on Monday. I was beaming from ear to ear when Sujatha took my blood. I was calm, reassured until monday came! I kept messaging Dr sheetal. * B kept messaging me until the news came in.. on my phone It was negative. I had 7 people around me talking to me and i had to continue mundane conversation so i could gather myself and get out of there. 
I was devastated... i got out work and went home.And thankfully *B came home in a  few minutes  I wept inconsolably in B's arms. We don't know what happened and things like this make you realize nothing is in your control.  You can't do anything about it .. just lean on each other for support,to cry, to crib, to question.  I am not sure what the future holds for us now . But one thing I'm sure of I won't let it bog me down. I will get past it, move ahead (preferably with a smile!) to face whatever the future  has in store for us.

ET Day

For the last few years of my life ET was always the adorable alien from Steven Spielberg's ET :) In the world of IVF its a little different. The embryo transfer is sorta like the Final Exam or the Board Exam! This is what it all has been leading too. I had to skip a month as my cycle got  a little messed up with the dates so May 7th it was. I thought that the hard part was over... but like everything in IVF .. nothing is what it seems!the injections and vaginal progesterone pills raised their ugly head again so the jabs are back!But during  a FET (Frozen embryo Transfer)  i think its a lot easier to deal than a full fledged one!The days leading up to ET i was strangely not nervous. I swayed from calm to excited and when the D Day had come i was determined to be the first one in the OR. I am competitive but i have never competed with 'how full is your bladder' sorta thing. We were 3 or 4 of us waiting and Sujatha said out loudly. whoever's bladder's full goes in!! I pride myself on my reasonably decent bowel movements so i shoved my hand up and called out to her! Mine's full... i think(i muttered the 'I think 'slowly to myself) but damn! mine wasn't and i started to get a little paranoid. It was only after Dr Sheetal and Dr Ritu came and reassured me not to worry did i feel myself calm down.. that and * B's constant pushing me to finish a whole  bottle of water!

so my turn came and Dr Sheetal and I were in the corridor. It almost felt like i was about to enter the CAT exam hall  and in a second i was let in. I knew the drill by now. Legs in the wide stirrups as i was strapped together for Dr G to do his magic and then the cinematic experience began. The lights were dimmed out and only the ultrasound was visible to me. Dr Sheetal was right next to me pointing at the monitor  showing me how the lil embryos were floating into my uterus. It was surreal seriously and then in a couple of minutes.. she was like.. Its done! I was almost in shock!.. What!!..  So fast! I heaved myself up and thanked everyone inside. I was beaming from ear to ear(not sure why) and as Dr sheetal walked me out and i began to thank her .. she put her arm on my shoulder and said ' All i want is for us to see a postive for you'!

I'm in the dreaded 2 week wait now and i dont know what the outcome will be but I am incredibly thankful to the stellar team at Rotunda- Dr Gautam, Dr sheetal and Dr ritu and of course Nurse brigade of Sujatha, Bismillah and Reshma and of course Ramona and Miuskaan

Ive begin to realize that nothing is in my hands now.. Its all up to the folks above!Till then i cross my fingers, enjoy  a mallu movie, and WAIT!!

Magical Udaipur

We decided to take a break from it all and even though like usual we thought Goa, it creeped up on us to consider going somewhere else. Bumming around on a beach would be awesome but magical palaces would be too! And we decided to splurge a but compared to our usual stuff and i did feel like a princess. Fateh Prakash is historic, its beautiful and gives you a  great feeling  of what it would be like in the days of the maharajas and queens! While we did visit the city palace,roamed around in the markets and streets, did the day trip to Kumbalgargh and Ranakpur (which was long and tiring) some of my highlights were
- Dinner at Ambrai. A fabulous restaurant with not just delectable food but views of the magnificent Fateh Prakash which at night was bathed in the deep amber regal glow. That we had a super waiter who was super nice and friendly and shared our opinions about the bunch of loud delhi girls with gold sequenced phones sitting near us also helped! Gobsmackingly great food & kebabs. Upre was good for the view (not so much for the food) but this was super
- Walk to the temple right after ambrai- The best views are free....! Close by was a temple with steps down to the ghat so you could see the whole stretch. Magical& enchanting
- the Bar and the Bartender at Shiv Nivas Palace. I wish i would write a picture book with stories about regular people who fascinate me for some reason. It would be degrading to call it a 'bar'. it was regal with huge mirrors and luxurious sofas with this delightful old man who showed us around(we were the only 2 ones there). He has been working since 82 and was talking to us  about how udaipur has changed and how he has seen it evolve. Of course the bar at Surya darshan (with 'tasteful' naked women pictures ) was fun too . felt like one of the boys in the 1920's who had come for a drink!
- The Sweet little Painter uncle who was so eager to show us pictures of his daughter and her ' big company' in pune. she does draw but only as a hobby. He spoke with such pride about how his daughter has moved away from the fanily trade and is working in a bug city!not that i would doubt his talent but i think *B and I decided to buy because we liked him soo much!!

Which brings me back to something ive been thinking.  Fancy palaces and forts can make a place look gorgeous but its the people in it that gives it soul.And udaipur has plenty of that :)

What have i been upto!

Well its been over  a month since i posted.And quite a bit  has happened. The previous cycle was quite successful and we have quite a set of sparkling embryos. While we were hoping to do the transfer this month its been postponed for a while and we are taking the opportunity to have fun!

For  the lay person it may seem rather stupid but after months of invasive treatment, you want to sit back, relax and do the things you have been wanting to.We saw the fun play 'The Siddhus of upper Juhu' at NCPA . It was our first visit to NCPA and i was quite amazed. Not sure why we hadnt come before. Our attempts to have more fun at least is pushing us to go to Colaba and explore. We were stupid to go all the way to NCPA for the play on the wrong date but ended up having a fabulous dinner at Indigo and walking through the streets of Colaba. We also went to watch' Walk in the wood's with Rajat Kapoor and Naseerudin Shah. Oh My!!.. What a treat! :)

Last week we went to Bombay Canteen. After hearing so much about it i was happy that we were finally going and nervous thinking about whether it would be a letdown. What a fun, unpretentious place it was that i would love to go again. they have this concept of Chottus which they serve small buckets of goodies like Lotus Stem chips(yum) till you decide on your food. Pork Theplas, Calamari were our appetizers which we gobbled up till the last morsel.

B ordered Bheja fry with maska pao and i got the Mutton which was outstanding. The highlight i thought was Gulab Nut. Gulab Jamun in the form of a doughnut laced with old monk. What a fun fun fun night! Cant wait to go back

The last few weeks which we have 'made sure ' we have fun! Why cant we live like this all the time i wonder! Im excited about going home and Udaipur now!!

A fun 2 weeks ahead...!!