23 weeks(around 6 months)

Wow... Im 23 weeks! The other day *B rested his hand on my bump and immediately he felt a couple of kicks! His eyes went wide and gasped in delight saying ' oh wow oh wow'. He went on to gush about the miracle or rather miracles that was growing within me and we just looked at each other and smiled. * B is going through an incredibly tough time at work. I have never seen him this stressed . Once we've moved to India, I've seen him work on weekends, his hair go grey,generally super busy! 

I'm glad though he gets enthralled by the pregnancy. He is more excited to read the pregnancy book than me,gets super paranoid at the mention of any pain..And loves to talk (sorta atleast) to them... I guess maybe all dads to be are like this but its super cute to watch!

Over the last few weeks Ive become bigger, i walk slower and very few things actually fit me. We have begun discussing potential baby names, where and what to put all there paraphernalia!I'm also excited that Amma is coming! She is great at these things.. design and organization:)

At work they are hiring  anew person though lot of people have come to me asking me if i have put in my papers as everyone wonders why they didn't hire an extra person before and doing it now!Anwyay... regarding work.. I will decide if/ when i have to to when i need to cross the bridge

In a few weeks i will have another scan and my OGTT test. I hope everything will be ok!

18 weeks

Its 18 weeks now and showing! I've had to buy larger clothes which i can alter later when i will hopefully come back to my normal size!I can see people looking at my stomach and smiling kindly!
There is genuine kindness and happiness all around. 2 days back a delightfully nice neighbor called me into her home when were discussing something as mundane as a lemon juicer and  insisted i have a scrumptious meal at her home impromptu.. fried rice, fish curry, paneer curry!  I love to see * B eyes sparkle when he talks about the 'little ones' and talks about them! I try and not get too scared about the kziollions stories you read online. I think the key is to remain positive and happy though its easier said than done! As dr padma told me, write your own destiny and story!

3 months up!

* B and I were nervously waiting for this milestone. It was official. We could scream it from the rooftops and it would  be ok!! We held each others hand and gulped!  Finally.. we havw reached it.. Amma and Acha were dying to spill the beans so soon we began seeing  a flurry of messages and calls as we answered and relived the great news again and again. I started telling  my friends, confirmed the news when  people asked me and its been general happiness all around. * B can no longer put of my requests to discuss potential baby names :) and i can see the excitement creeping out on his face. We  have begin to see a regular obgyn and it still takes a little getting used to being one of the ' pregnant women' in line. Of course, i miss rotunda but i wish i never have to be a patient there! all was going well until last week when  i came down with terribly high fever and after that i was diagnosed with my asthma coming back. Its been difficult and * B was panicking but  I am slowly and surely returning back to my old self.

Clothes are not simply not fitting and I'm begining to think of creative ways to use my old clothes. I think a shopping trip is due quite soon! It was also BEYOND fantastic to have Amma at home! I hope she come soon again!... Anyway until my next update...

Between 8&9

We had our 6 week scan and now our next milestone scan is end of this week.Its slowly sinking in but but sometimes when Molu tells me about maternity pillows or amma points out a swelling on my leg which is apparently part of the process I get freaked out. Freaked out that i know absolutely nothing. I think  Molu poured over books and articles and is the general expert on this. For me... its all rather overwhelming and scary. So far its been ok... I'm scared to say that out aloud fearing that the minute i acknowledge it it will all go downhill and scary.Amma being here is the absolute blessing of it all and she has pampered me like anything so much so i refuse it now saying.. no.. i should not get used to it.I haven't told anyone at work yet apart from my boss though a few people may have guessed it by now. My pants are not fitting me anywhere and most if the time in my room i  don't fasten my pants and wear a jacket on top of me. I have dried fruits and some snacks next to me on my desk. I am more casual(in a good way) about projects and don't unnecessarily fret.

I'm happy, nervous, excited, scared all at the same time. Fingers crossed all will be good :)

I see the line!!

The 2 week wait was agonizing. Even so as i didn't have too many symptoms and towards the end i got a little scared and terrified and kept googling" bfp without any symptoms". The day came and we went to the clinic where I met Sujatha(thank god she was there!) and quietly reassured me when i told her about my lack of symptoms" If it has to happen,it will.. nothing can stop it" I was working from home so i kept checking my phone every hour to see if Dr sheetal had any update!My message at 10:30 was met with a ' Dont worry poorna, we dont get the results so faast.. maybe by evening..' I somehow got through the morning and afternoon and at 3 i was wondering .. doesn't this time qualify as early evening. let me message her. I got a call right about then and quickly recognized Dr sheetals voice! She said' Oh wow.. you recognized my voice.. good good.. you will need to see more often now!. We were ecstatic and i was giddy with excitement.She said i needed to come again for another beta HCG 48 hours later. I was thrilled.. I called * B.. He was on top of the world ! When he came home he said excitedly...lets do a HPT and see the line." I was like oh yeah.. you need to use the first pee in the morning and i get up at 3 these days.. You game. While he was excited and said yes.. i didn't expect him to follow through...Around 3 i got up and nudged him and said..im going.. now or never. Now its usually difficult to get him out of slumber so quickly particularly at 3 in the morning. he was up like a button and kept grinning at the stick! Meanwhile.. i went back to sleep or hoped to until he came back running" i see the line.. i see the line

The reception i got from both dr sheetal and dr ritu was amazing when i went in for my second test later. They were so amazing! So happy and thrilled for me. Im glad I have  had them with me... actually everyone at Rotunda.. Them, Sujatha, Ramona,Muskaan,Bismillah, Reshma!!

The next few weeks are critical and i hope all's going to go well! Tommo is my 6 weeks scan.  Fingers crossed everything is going to be fantastic!

The 2 week wait!

In any sort of fertility treatment the 2 week wait is the most dreaded. Not that physically it is super challenging. You get so used to the jabs, pokes that you are almost used to it dare i say!The first time around  I was googling every tiny bit of symtom i had. Even though at the back of my mind i knew progesterone was behind most of it, you go into overdrive and stalk all the forums building hope.. building your future and its even more awaful when it comes all crashing down when you geta  negative result

This time around i decided to take a few days off to detach myself and take a break from work. It was surprisingly a great week. I got back to reading... a chick flick called The Pricey Thakur Girls.. chick lit, read andre Agassi's pretty intriguing biography' Open' and Sadhguru(all about Jaggi Vasudev).
I also saw one of the most insightful movies Ive seen in a really long time.- Inside Out.a brilliant movie with a fabulous premise. I want to meet the creator Pete Doctor so badly now!Also had a fabulously fun evening with a person i met for the first time who is a fertility specialist so we could joke about our jabs and pokes over dinner loudly!

But i do admit I've been googling ..'no symtoms after ET'... So am a  little nervous this time around.
I dont know what the future is in front of me.. I am still cautiously optimistic 

Forging Ahead....

We were devastated when the first FET didn't work. We were unhappy for quite a few days and tried to cheer each other up. It took a while but we had to decide how/ when to move forward. I was certain i didn't wait to wait too long so we visited Dr Sheetal and decided to do the FET in June end .. (a week from now!)We also decided to look at options that we had not explored earlier to help in implantation like the Endometrium Scratching. I'm not going to write the technicalities but its essentially what it  sounds like.. 'scratching the endometrium'. I was  a little scared as i had read reports of all sorts of things  on the internet. The actual process was actually really short. While the 'scratches happened' there was quite a bit of cramping but for anyone who's doing IVF i think its not too big a deal... Uncomfortable none the less. But of course i had  Sujatha (my guardian angel ) who held my hand and prepped me for it!
The  Mumbai monsoons have come full throttle and it is a little difficult to go for my appointments and I'm so glad i did my pick ups earlier. I don't know what is ahead and the less I think of it the better. Its B's bday just the day before and mine a month later so i hope we get a fabulous birthday gift :)
Pray for us...